• Reverberations

    Reverberations

    Could you begin your next conversation from an unusual notion? We could sit back and hope that a conversation moves into the new, and surprises us with those reverberations Hillman mentions. Hoping isn’t good enough. All good conversation has some element of surprise because it’s interesting when we discover something new; it doesn’t matter whether…

  • Adversarial conversations

    Adversarial conversations

    When the ground shifts beneath us during a conversation What happens when someone’s intentions shift during the conversation itself? What happens if we realize that we’ve misread other’s intentions? In any conversation, our intention matters. The quality of our conversations depends on our intentions—whether or not we state them explicitly—and on whether our intentions are…

  • Self-awareness

    Self-awareness

    Are we also looking for ourselves? Bringing self-awareness to mind, in a conversation, enables us to be more intentional about where we go next. Conversations can be an opportunity for us to practice self-awareness. This of course involves a delicate balance of being “in” the conversation enough to be a good conversation partner, while also…

  • Curiouser and curiouser

    Curiouser and curiouser

    Intentionally engaging until we find it interesting I can see that my digging into things that didn’t seem interesting at first glance, has yielded terrific results: Learning, surprise, and happiness to name just three. And not just for myself, but for others too. It’s surprising how many things become interesting once I spend enough time…

  • Without purpose or agenda

    Without purpose or agenda

    Choosing a direction towards what you don’t know We want to avoid being drawn toward what we understand. In that direction lies the temptation to summarize and finish. In a conversation we can feel the urge to have a purpose in the form of a goal we are trying to reach, and we can feel…

  • Roles

    Roles

    An actions-based perspective When something feels off, we can consider which roles are present in the moment. Am I being a mover, and my guest a follower? Or are they perhaps being an opposer? During a conversation we sometimes sense that it could be better. We might be aware that we are confused, disappointed, or…

  • Having an open posture

    Having an open posture

    What intention might you try setting for your next conversation? I don’t simply day-dream about my intentions when it’s convenient. I consider different intentions, choose explicitly, and then work to carry that intention into a conversation. Our urge to hide influences us in subtle ways. If we feel we can’t control another’s thinking (in truth…

  • The resources of others

    The resources of others

    In conversation we can help others be their best selves Focusing on these small things frees me from trying to imagine what is the big picture we’re creating. There are so many things we could pursue in any conversation: Learning, discovery, helping our partner, even fame. So it’s wise to pick something to use as…

  • Being genuine

    Being genuine

    Releasing preconceptions can lead to delight. We have little chance of being creative if we know, or think we know, where things are headed. In conversation we find tension within ourselves from our competing desires to lead and to follow. For genuine connection to develop, we must release our preconceptions of who the other person…

  • The power of vistas

    The power of vistas

    Encountering vistas changes us. “What do we want to create together?” presents a vista. We figuratively stand here and now with our partner, and we look forward to the future. Physically encountering vistas changes us. We shift the direction we are facing, and at what distance our eyes are focused. We take a deep breath,…